I'm balancing a pen on my nose right now.

Dang, is it Thursday already??
Pfffttt... I have no idea what to write right now; but sure enough, I'll probably have a long page by the time I'm done...
The 1000 worth project is doing ok, I'm just not happy with the details yet though... gotta work on that.
We're starting a self-portrait-thing-type-project, I'm kinda excited about that. Though I'm not sure if I'll be able to get everything in the pic. ...Maybe I should draw it out... Plan ahead or whatever. Hmmm...

They talked about donating blood today, that was cool. I Always thought blood types were kinda cool, like they say if you have AB blood then your calm, cool, collected, have somewhat of a split personality, blunt, & you have trouble making decisions. It freaks me out how accurate it is, ahahahahaha.
I kinda wanted to be a donor, not just with blood, 'cause I'm a giver, give, give, give, that's what I do. Ahahaha... I don't know, I guess if I was to ever meet my untimely death, I could at least be useful... & on that morbid topic, I shall switch to a new one.

I'm not sure what's been going on lately, but I've been getting a strange urge to fly. Like, in an airplane or something... I don't know, it's silly... but every now & then I glance up at the sky, & I'm not sure... but I can't help but to stare... I look at the stars before I go to bed. My dad used to fly a lot... I thought it was the coolest thing ever, really. Even though I'm afraid of heights, I just... think it's... heh, I don't even know. I just think about the feeling of going higher & higher, & looking out the window & see the world below get smaller & smaller.... my heart flutters a little bit... I want to reach my hand out & touch the sky... It's silly. Really... It's... silly...
...
I'll post something significant in my next post. I'm going to walk around a little bit, my legs are asleep from my cat sleep on them D:

Ah.... were to start...
Ack, I don't have time to be indecisive right now.... It's been super busy lately, I been scrambling to just try & keep up. It's insane! & so fast paced.... I come home so tired & I can barely do my chores under 1-2 hours when they should only take like.... 45 minutes or something..
I honestly don't know. I think I'm suffering from sleep deprivation, I've been an insomniac all my life & I can definitely tell if I am. My mind plays tricks on me when It gets bad. For example, I'll be watching tv & I zone out, when I "get back" half of the show is over & I can't remember anything that happened. It's so weird... I don't notice myself zone out, so it's like I turn my head & when I turn back 15 minutes have passed.
I honestly can't help but to be awake at night. I'll be tired ALL FRIGGEN DAY, but the second it turns 10:30 or 11 at night, it's like a switch is flipped & I have so much energy.

Ugg, we learned colors a Little while ago... I didn't know it could be so complex...
oh, & right now I HATE the 1000 words project.... I have NO Idea what to do!!! I have no inspiration whatsoever....
PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFfffffftt.....
Well, I'll talk later....

Nyehhhhhh....

ARGH!!! My computer's broken again!! Pffff-ffffft....
I really have a love/hate thing going on here with my pc, seriously. I love drawing & working on it, but it's such a piece of junk & it's so slow & doesn't work 1/2 the time, it makes me want to take a hammer to the keyboard. >_>
So now, I have to find stuff on the mac, I found a coloring tutorial, it have more to do with cartoons, but I think it's really cool....
http://suzuran.deviantart.com/art/Wave-s-Coloring-Tutorial-125928786
I found this one on masks & stuff... It can change to mood of a pic, I love it! x3
http://kuschelirmel-stock.deviantart.com/art/Layer-Masks-Colour-Gradients-102739509?q=boost%3Apopular+layer&qo=11
I'll write more later, got to go for now, bye ^^

Frustrations... not worth reading.

I have never been someone who let the fact that I have A.D.D define who I am. Infact, I try to ignore it as much as I possibly can. I would much rather be seen as a slightly neurotic, & a bit arrogant, air head who day dreams far too much. I have have been insulted & looked down upon many times, & each time I remember how & who did, it still makes my blood boil... One time this lady talked so slowly to me to make her point across, she was talking as if I was either very stupid or speaking a different language. Then she goes & actually calls me stupid. I simply walked away from that one... I know I don't always "connect the dots" so to speak, or always realize the obvious, but it's not like I'm incapable of doing it. To me, it is not an excuse. Or rather... It can't be, I won't let it be one.

Lately, though... It seems that I'm being reminded of how my brain works more & more often.
I walk into a crowded room & I can hear everyone talking at once & their conversations start ringing in my ears until it becomes so loud & chaotic I literally have to flee the room...
I hear someone tapping a pencil & I can't concentrate on anything but that for the rest of the period...
I have to re-read the same sentence over & over to understand a simple direction...
I say whatever pops into my head (which isn't always the nicest or the smartest thing to say), and people look at me weird...
I can't hold a simple conversation for more than a few minutes before I become so uncomfortable I lean away from the person talking to me & they think I'm giving them the cold shoulder...
Or I do manage to talk or listen to someone but I can't remember a thing they said...
Or to put it simply, I have very few ways of relating to people.
It's frustrating more than anything else, really. I always feel as if I'm always behind everyone else... & if I don't keep up... well, I suppose I don't know. What would happen if I wasn't able to at least be where everyone else was at?
...
I suppose, I don't really want to find out... A lot of people say I should go at my own pace, but I honestly don't think that will work for me in the future.
I often just twirl a pen in my hand to keep me from getting distracted, it's a little weird, but... whatever.

Oh, well. I guess it's just something I'm going to have to continue on with. It's not like I'm not used to it by now or that it's going away anytime soon... & it's not always a bad thing.
 I love the fact that I'm my own person, I march to the beat of my own drum, I can tell the difference from what I want & what I need, I am self-dependant & I don't always need to fill the silence that hangs in the air when I'm alone... but...
It's just something that's always lingering around in the back of my mind.
...I'm not like everyone else. I never will be, no matter how hard I try.


Again, It's just something I'm used to.

Thanks... Thanks a lot...

Well, the weekend started off decent enough, until it went to crap. I finally began reading my summer reading book that's due Friday. I'm sure I'll finish it. I got contacts (which is awesome!!!) They're just a pain in the butt to get in...

I got my hair cut this weekend, & my mother goes & tells my hairdresser, Tonya, to cut my hair even shorter than before & she didn't even tell me!!! Neither of them did! I was like "WTF mom!!!" & she didn't even seem sorry about it! Tonya seemed more sorry than her! Oh, & her reason for telling her to do so was because, "Oh, I like it that way." *smiles*
Mom somewhat apologized & I accepted it but I'm still pissed at it... I hate my hair now! I liked it the way it was before... I feel ugly. My mother seems to think I have a certain style or whatever, but whatever she thinks it is, it's wrong. I don't like skinny jeans, I don't like the way my hair is now, I don't like make up other than cover up (& lipstick), I don't really like painting my nails more than one color, I don't like going out on Saturday nights or parties, I don't like hanging out with more then 3 people, I don't like the "scene" style, I don't like funky colored socks or whatever, I don't like makeovers, I don't like shopping every other day, I don't like.... well I don't like many things! Argh!! pfffffffffffftt..... most of that stuff is what my sister likes...

The truth is, I don't mind doing those things for her, if it makes her happy, then I'm happy. But when you change something about me, without telling me, I feel insulted.
What, am I not good enough for you?!
Sometimes I just don't get my mother, I ask for a video game & she gives me a $300 phone. (Wow, I complain about the weirdest things...) I don't even use it as a phone! I play Solitaire on it! Why? BECAUSE I HATE TALKING ON THE PHONE! I don't mind the occasional text or calling a friend for telling good news, but I hate it when people call me every friggen day. It's annoying. & by the way the way, my phone is great at everything, except being a phone. I take a picture & send it to someone, it's great. I text 4 people at the same time, it's great. I play a game on it, it's great. But when I want to call a friend for something important, I either get someone else (with my friend's picture) or the phone hangs itself up. & I don't have the numbers wrong... I like my phone, it's just that I don't use it as a phone. It's useless to me! & I would rather spend my time playing a video game.

When I get mad I usually clean, last night I did a few loads of laundry, I clean the kitchen spotless, changed all of the garbage, cleaned my room, did the dishes, & stuff I can't even remember now because I was so livid. Do they even care about the wellbeing of our house anymore?!?!?! Dad tried to talk to me but I didn't really say anything. Heck, I don't think they even know why I'm mad. I barely even know why I'm mad. I shouldn't be, hair grows back... but it's the principle of it all! How would someone react if I dyed their hair green while they were sleeping?! I'm sure by the time my hair grew back theirs would be back to normal... pffft....
I hate being a teenager. I really do. I mean, I'm upset over a hair style. Pfffftt........

I don't like pouring out everything that goes on in my mind. I don't. I don't want everything that I feel or think out there on display for the world to see. But... I guess I'm just hoping that if I write enough... or say a certain thing... that maybe, I'll find someone I feel as if I can relate to.
God, I sound emo. I'm gonna try and bury my emotional baggage.

Well, I really don't have much to talk about....

Just trying to get through school and juggle everything in moderation, the first month is always the hardest for me. I don't do well with change... but at least I'm adaptable. Oh well.

I got a song stuck in my head, IT WON'T LEAVE!!!

Well, I found a pen tool Tutorial on Deviantart. I go there all the time... pfffft... It's in flash too so me being a nerd thinks it's the coolest thing ever.
My computer's still busted, :/ All I can do on it is play Pantheon... I beat the game so now what do I do?!?! PFFFFFT....

So I was watching John Stewart last night, I think he's funny sometimes & he decided to hold a Rally to "Restore Sanity" I couldn't help but laugh especially when Colbert (or whatever the 'eff his name is, I can't remember) came on and wanted a Rally to "keep the fear alive" xD I kind of agree with Stewart, I think the media exaggerates the most mundane things. The media freaks out over bed bugs, but then they won't talk about how the U.S. is selling over $60 billion worth of warfare to Saudi Arabia...
I had to search very hard for the info for that topic & even then it was shoved into a corner...
Just in case you want to read: Click me.
Damn, Evening News is just when they say "Good Evening" & then list why it isn't >>

Ugh, I saw a Cake song (Short Skirt/Long Jacket) on an Ipod nano Commercial... I hope to god no one takes an interest in it because every time that seems to happens I have to deal with a bunch of hipsters or whatever they call them. Sure they can like it, but 80% of it is just turning it into a fad :/
Maybe I'm just bitter, I dunno... Whatever >> 

In class we talked about retouching, I knew some of it, especially the Stamp tools. I had to use them a lot when I used to touch up online comics for a group every now & then. & if I felt energetic I would put the text/dialog in for them too. It was fun. Then my computer broke... pffft. Oh well.

I guess I'll write later.

Pfffftt....

Ack! It's already Thursday! >_> I have GOT to stop procrastinating! D: My computer got another virus, so that'll be a joy to mess with. Now I just have to type on the Mac, Which I don't mind, but I'd rather spend my time doing something on it other than blogging.... ugh...  We learned about layers, which I already knew somewhat about, so that was cool to get some details in and actually know how to do everything ^^ ...I'll add more later :/

Edit:
I found this group on Deviantart, I love this site <3
http://photoshop-tutorials.deviantart.com/
Just be careful on some of them, they're not always specific or very detailed. I have a few profiles, but one is really old & I haven't posted anything on the new one since my scanner is broken... pffft...

I HAAAAAATE Mondays.

Today wasn't very much of a good day... more like frustrating. ...VERY frustrating. I got 3 headaches 'cause of it.

I'm not sure what it is about Mondays that makes me want to jump off a cliff with no parachute, but they do. If had the ability to make Monday into another weekend-day, I would. & what the heck is up with the friggen weather?! Oh, sure, it can rain and thunder all morning but then it turns all rainbows & sunshine when my mood turns bitter. Pfffffftt >:P

So I didn't wake up well, & my morning class went well except for the fact that when I was practically done with a photoshop exercise-thing I realized that I messed up in the first few steps. So then I had to start over & work really fast. I know it's not due till later, but I have a bad problem with procrastination & I want to get it done so I'm not behind in class. I want to learn more about the pen tool, more than anything else, really. I see it a lot in some art tutorials & I want to be able to do that too. It was weird, as the teacher was explaining the tools & such of photoshop, she had a picture of a rubber duck up & my mind wandered off to a talking duck teaching a class...I'm not sure why, but it did. Weird, to say the least. Though I shook it off and was able to pay attention.

The rest isn't worth reading. Seriously. Go read a book or something.

The rest of school wasn't so bad, just a little boring. Ugh, had to work with a person in history. They're a nice person (sometimes)... just not someone I really like. Why? No reason. In my opinion she's just not a very likable person... but I digress. Had study hall, that was nice, got some work done. I like it better than gym that's for sure.
Oh & I figured out why my English teacher had a Swedish flag in their room; it's because they're Swedish. (which I kinda figured) I'm not sure why, but not knowing why, had irked me since the first day of school. & even over the weekend. (Seriously, I talked it over with my sister, I'm going to brag to her when I get the chance, (God, I'm such a nerd...)) Then they were surprised that I recognised the flag & asked if I was Swedish. I'm not (German, Italian & a little Native American.... not that anyone cares really...), so I just replied with "Ah-um, no... I'm just good with flags." Which is a total lie now that I think about it... they also said that they had a German flag & that they would be putting it up soon, which makes me happy for some unknown reason. So then, I told them that in Germany, they don't usually wave their flags around (since they don't want too be too proud, I.e. be like they were in WWII (I think that's right... not sure if I am anymore ^^;)) Which they didn't know, & I don't know why but I like it when I know something that a teacher doesn't. Makes me feel smart, though I know it doesn't really mean that I am. Guilty pleasure, I suppose.

Now I'm just rambling about nothing. Sheesh.

Then I came home to a big mess the dogs had made & a dirty kitchen & by that point I was so frustrated with the whole day I kicked the door way so hard that it left white paint marks on my shoe. Which now that I think about it...probably wasn't a good idea. Now I have paint on my new shoes. Pfffft... So by then I stomped around while cleaning everything & I had basically threw a tantrum & shouting expletives, I made my way up the stairs fuming and I was about to shout at my dogs but then I noticed that they were visibly shaking ('cause they're both VERY timid) so I forced myself to calm down & say "It's OK." Ugh, anything can get away with everything so long as it's cute... pffft....

Now... I suppose I feel a lot better, just trying to relax. I just had a surge of adrenaline & now my stomach hurts a bit... I guess I'll just lay down for a bit, I'm a little bit embarrassed at myself for throwing a tantrum like I did, but I suppose It's what keeps me from going insane.

... WOW, I wrote a lot!

EDIT: Things are looking up, dad got the scuffs off my shoes, going out to dinner, & I don't feel as if  have 20 lbs. of weights oon my shoulders, Hazzah! :D

1st Blog

Oh, jeez... where to start?

This is my first post... obviously. Pfffffffffffft...
Well, I started working with a Mac, that was interesting, to say the least. It seems similar to a PC. Though it has a Command button, that's new to me. I learned that there's terabytes. Never heard of that before, which I'm somewhat annoyed at myself for not hearing about it before.

I hope I can learn to work on a Mac OK, it's going to take some practice though. I wish I could get a Mac at home soon, unfortunately, I'm not that rich. Oh, well, someday...

Got to see my friend, Mary, again. That was nice. Also I've seem to befriended a few people on the bus. I'm not sure of any of their names... I'm sure I'll know them eventually. Oh, well, just nice to chat with some people on the long bus ride.

Though it seems to be a bit over my head, I love doing it. I love to just be in front of a computer and typing, editing, browsing, and really just about anything. Not sure why... but does that really matter? :)


I found I video on YouTube on how people film during the day & how to use the sun as an advantage.
I always wondered how people didn't film their shadows in movies and stuff like that...


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gnJyVdynZRQ 

It was short, sweet, and to the point.

Well, I'm not sure what to write about anymore. I guess I'll just leave it at that.